You Can Never Be Lonely with Purple Hair

I want to tell you something about my mother before you meet her. She has always been beautiful to me, and not only in the way a daughter adores her mother, though that is true too. She has a warmth and a magnetism that makes people stop and notice. She glows. And for my whole life I have had a gift I do not take lightly: when I wonder what my 60s, 70s, and 80s might look like, I get to look at her.

At 85, what I know is that my mother is living her best life. Everything she does is intentional. Everything she does is because it is what she wants and what makes her happy. That, to me, is what sexy looks like. So I finally invited her to be my guest. Please meet my mother, Lorraine Sasner.

The Lady with the Purple Hair

If you live at Rossmoor, the retirement community in Walnut Creek where my mother has lived for 25 years, you may already know her. When people ask me which one she is, I say she is the lady with the purple hair. A couple of weeks ago I talked with my friend Micki Cooper about why she chose to move to Rossmoor on purpose. My mother is living proof of what that kind of community can hold over the long run.

She started dyeing it years ago after spotting a woman with purple hair in the grocery store. "I looked at it and I thought, God, would I love to do that," she told me. Now she cannot imagine living without it. "I go into Safeway and everybody stops and hugs me and talks to me. You can never be lonely with purple hair."

I love that line so much I could put it on a wall. But underneath the fun is something real. The purple hair is not vanity. It is an invitation she extends to the world every single day, and the world keeps saying yes.

Movement, Connection, and Purpose, By Design

In this work I keep coming back to the same three ingredients of healthy aging and longevity: movement, connection, and purpose. The research is remarkably consistent about all three. What struck me talking with my mother is how completely those three things are woven into one daily ritual: golf.

She has a bad back. Years ago she decided she was not willing to risk surgery at her age, so instead she figured out how to keep doing what she loves on her own terms. "I'm not gonna give up golf because of my back," she said. "I'm gonna enjoy it because that's what I enjoy." She golfs a few holes at a time. When she plays with someone, she takes every other hole. The moment it starts to hurt, she stops. That is not giving up. That is the kind of self-knowledge most of us spend decades trying to learn.

Golf gives her all three ingredients at once. She is moving her body. She is outside in green space and fresh air. She has a standing Tuesday game with a friend she met on the course. "It's like my playground right now," she said. For someone who tells me she is not a club person and never will be, the golf course is where her community lives. If you have been thinking about how connection actually forms at this stage of life, I went deeper on the science of making friends in midlife in a recent episode. My mother is a case study in doing it without overthinking it.

The Daily Selfie

My mother has always been ahead of her time with technology. She learned one of the first word processors at UCLA decades ago, and she has never looked back. Today her iPhone is, in her words, her life and her communication.

My favorite thing she does with it is the daily photo. Every morning before she heads to the course, she takes a selfie and posts it in our family chat. "I don't want my family to worry about me," she explained, "and I want them to see what I'm doing today, how well I am." She is right that it works. If a day goes by without that photo, one of us calls. It is a small habit that quietly does a big job: it keeps her tethered to the people she loves, on her terms.

Refreshing a Life After Loss

My father died four years ago. Before he went, he left her a short list: fix up the house, update her wardrobe, get a safer car. She kept her beloved velour outfits and her old car, thank you very much. But the house was another story. While he was sick she had stopped seeing it, and after the funeral her brother, who is in real estate, walked through and told her plainly that it needed work.

So she got to work. With a kind neighbor who is a handyman, she refreshed the whole place. "When you're sick and you're in a beautiful home, it makes you feel so good and so relaxed," she told me, describing a recent week when she had a bad cold. "I really appreciate what I have right now." She took my father's wishes and her brother's honesty and turned them into a home that holds her. That is grief metabolized into intention.

Befriending Yourself

The thread running through everything she said is something I have started calling befriending yourself. My mother has it in spades, and it has only deepened with age. She told my sister one day, "I am so comfortable with being with myself. More than anything." She does what she wants without apology. She walks into the hair salon without an appointment and they squeeze her in. She cooks plant-based soup and sends a photo to her neighbors so they can come grab a bowl. She sets boundaries on the golf course to protect her body, not to push anyone away.

What used to come with a little defensiveness now comes with grounded wisdom and a deep self-compassion. "I make myself so happy," she said, almost surprised to hear herself say it. Most people, she added, never realize that is even possible.

What Sexy Means at 85

When I named this podcast Sexy in Your 60s, my mother was not sure about the word. She still teases me about it. But the irony is that she has been the role model for it all along. So I asked her what sexy means to her now.

"I guess being vibrant and enjoying life is being sexy," she said. "I just wanna be active and busy, and I just wanna keep going."

That is it. That is the whole thing. She moves from one phase of life to the next and grabs onto the best of it. At 85, with purple hair, on her own terms, my mother is showing me and now showing you exactly what vibrant aging can look like.

Listen to the Full Episode

Episode 31: You Can Never Be Lonely with Purple Hair with Lorraine Sasner

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About Dvora Citron

Dvora Citron is a Registered Nurse, National Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach, Lifestyle Medicine Practitioner, and the founder of slant2plants®. She hosts Sexy in Your 60s to bring women the real ingredients of vibrant aging through science, story, support, and soul. Her work helps women 50 and older create the health, confidence, and longevity they want in ways that feel realistic and sustainable.

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This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It does not constitute medical advice and is not a substitute for professional medical guidance. Reading this post does not create a patient-client relationship. Always consult your primary care provider or a qualified health professional before making changes to your health or lifestyle.