There's a student I think about sometimes.

It was a normal Friday at the high school where I worked as a school nurse. Nothing unusual on the books. Then two students burst into my office with news: there was a girl in the bathroom who wasn't breathing.

I didn't stop to think. I grabbed the Narcan off the wall, got on the walkie-talkie, and started directing. "Meet me at this location. Call 9-1-1." I was moving before I had processed what I was moving toward.

She was losing consciousness when I got there. I administered the Narcan and stayed with her until the paramedics came. She was okay.

One more detail about that day: I was on day five of a prolonged fasting-mimicking diet. Running on less than normal. I was hungry. I didn't notice. That was the job. I knew what to do, and I did it.

It Didn't Start There

That kind of clarity doesn't arrive on day one. When I first became a school nurse, I was terrified.

I had spent years working in the hospital -- antepartum, postpartum, nursery, NICU -- always as part of a team. There was always a charge nurse nearby. There were doctors, protocols, other people to turn to. I knew my role, and I was good at it.

Then I walked into my first school nurse position and understood: I was it. The only healthcare provider in the building, sometimes the only one in the entire district. Just me, a walkie-talkie, and everything I knew.

My fears were not unfounded. What if a student with diabetes went into hypoglycemia? What if a child with a severe food allergy went into anaphylaxis? What if someone had a seizure?

I knew what to do in theory. But knowing what to do and being the one who does it alone, with no one to look at for backup -- those are two very different things.

I had imposter syndrome before that phrase was even part of the vocabulary. I spent a long time waiting to feel ready, waiting to feel like I belonged in that role. And then, over time, I just did.

How Readiness Actually Works

The shift didn't happen because I stopped being scared. It didn't happen because I crossed some finish line called competence. It happened because I kept showing up. The job kept teaching me. One day I looked up and realized I was the person the rest of the team turned to when something went wrong.

I was a school nurse for twenty-five years. I retired last year after 40 years in nursing.

That Friday -- the one with the fentanyl overdose, the one that looked like every other Friday until it didn't -- was not a performance. It was me, fully in my role. The training, the years, the daily act of showing up even when I wasn't sure I had what it took: all of it was there when I needed it.

Who I Am Now

Today I'm a health coach, a blogger, a podcaster, and someone building a digital course experience. I'm a brand-new version of a person who has been doing this work -- caring for women, helping them thrive -- for decades.

And I'm scared again.

Not the same fear, but the same flavor. That feeling of standing at the edge of something you can't quite see the bottom of. The imposter syndrome that doesn't care what you've already accomplished. It just shows up fresh every time you begin something new.

I started this podcast the way a lot of people start things: with a nudge from someone who believed in me before I fully believed in myself. My cousin Wendy, one of my first coaching clients, kept asking: "When are you starting, Dvora?"

That question made me realize I had been waiting for it to be polished enough, perfect enough, ready enough. I didn't have a production team or a clear roadmap. What I had was the knowledge that if I kept waiting, it wasn't going to happen.

So I zipped up my jacket, put on my parachute, and jumped out of the plane. It has been scrappy. It has been messy. It has been exactly what it needed to be.

The Bridge Episodes

This is the first of four solo episodes I'm calling the bridge episodes -- a series leading up to something I've been building for a long time, something I'll be sharing with you very soon.

I'm making it for every woman who has done hard things, who has been the competent one in the room, the one others leaned on when it mattered -- and who is now standing at the edge of something new, waiting to feel ready before she begins.

Here is what I know from forty years of doing hard things: you don't get ready and then begin. You begin, and that's how you get ready.

Who I am now is not who I was. And that is not a loss. That's the whole point.

Next week, Part 2: what gets in the way. Because it's not just fear. It's more than that, and I think you'll recognize yourself in that conversation.

Listen to the Full Episode

Episode 22: The Price of Beginning 

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About Dvora Citron

Dvora Citron is a Registered Nurse, National Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach, Lifestyle Medicine Practitioner, and the founder of Slant2Plants®. She hosts Sexy in Your 60s to bring women the real ingredients of vibrant aging through science, story, support, and soul. Her work helps women 50 and older create the health, confidence, and longevity they want in ways that feel realistic and sustainable.

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